Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Happy New Year!

Well, we had a slow Christmas, but we also had a very nice New Years watching the ball drop from my father's roof. My father is a very interesting guy. He reasons that he can afford a really good and really really really really expensive meal once a year, so he goes all out on a tin of imported, authentic black caviar which he liberally dollops onto a plate of spaghetti. We were very honored that he shared his dollops with us--as for the caviar, every burp for a week tasted like the inside of a fish and reminded me of large bags of money--next time let's don't and say we did. And as for New Years Eve, Jenny remembered that she is Vietnamese and wanted to get squashed among the drunk, puking crowds even though we totally didn't have to, so we did that for a while then went back to the roof for a private show. Couldn't hope for a better New Years!

Monday, December 30, 2013

Businesses Beware!

Western husbands know this is no exaggeration. And at one point, we all told our wives that there is no haggling in America.

And there isn't haggling, in the sense that there is no point in asking the souless sap behind the counter (I can relate, I was one once) to give you a discount. So there are other ways that every American knows but is too busy having a good time to bother.

Except for that guy who paid for his tuition with rebates, that was pretty awesome.

Friday, December 27, 2013

Period Trakker Day 4

It is amazing how a previously teeny tiny Vietnamese girl can swell up instantly, like the blueberry girl in Willy Wonka, and I have to roll her down the hallway so the halflings can juice her, no I won't hold them responsible. She is entirely beneath getting the ol' comfy sweat pants--in fact, now is the time she'll root through the closet for the tightest pants she could never get into in the best of times.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

No Accounting for Taste

Ok, so in Vietnam, it was all Katy Perry, the unmentionable Flo Rita Jaquita and other rip-offs: Christina's desecration (with that no-talent, I mean REALLY no frigging talent or even vocal chords, look for them with a bleach chaser and a full endoscopy, Pit-mutt-balding, snarling cur, whatever, hold the anesthetic) of Ah-ha and that truly embarassing Fun's "Some Nights," which ripped the heart out of "Cecilia" and I'm sorry, can't stop myself, what kind of soul-less freaks go out on stage where someone might see them, collect mountains of cash by digging out coffins--I'm really sorry, counting to ten now.

Anyway, I thought the Vietnamese just didn't know any better, thought this was real American music and didn't feel they were qualified to call it uncool. Well, I was wrong. When we came back, it was all Katy Perry, Flo Dorito, Gaga and Madonna and Spears and all the other blondes I can't tell apart. So I followed my brother's advice and put Joy Division in Pandora.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Holidays are Relative

However you celebrate it, Happy Holidays everyone!

This picture is inaccurate--we had a very difficult holiday. For one thing, Jenny's Period Trakker app didn't turn off for SEVEN DAYS!!! And for another thing, I just don't have that big family everyone takes for granted--no huge temporary table separating Democrats and Republicans trying to masticate each-other for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I feel very bad about that. Still, we had a nice authentic Christmas dinner with our downstairs neighbor and went out for Jenny's very first ice-skating venture, which went very well! Off the wall and everything! My wish is for Jenny to one day have the big family celebrations she deserves. It could happen!

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Making Up

This didn't actually happen. It almost happened. Twice. Once barely missing a trip to San Jose, another to Vietnam, maybe permanently. Why? Because I didn't call her back when my phone battery died. And again because I bought unpeeled shrimp instead of the shrimp I have to peel, which I hate. I mean, honestly, Vietnamese don't even eat the shrimp shell, why not get rid of it entirely instead of having to chew the thing for hours, nibbling microscopic bits from inside the mouth?

Friday, December 13, 2013

Modern Convenience!


We actually saw the DVD on how they are always redesigning their food processors to be easy, efficient and easy to clean. So why can't they design a one-piece? They're just adding on tiny bits of interworking parts that have to be disassembled and cleaned separately, and yes, I suppose if you have a dishwasher it's very easy to clean. But the thing doesn't even work unless the parts that we don't even use are installed properly, and all they do is get bits of food trapped in them and slice my digits off as I'm delicately scrubbing them.

On a positive note, the food is always great! Especially the chả lụa, which in Vietnam is like mystery meat bologne--we use fresh meat. Which defeats the purpose of making chả lụa, but we don't mind.

Monday, December 9, 2013

A Happy Birthday, Guaranteed

This is why I gave her a home-made gift. Anyway, my wife is the absolute WORST gift-receiver. It's always "so expensive!" "The wrong color!" "made in Vietnam!" "made in CHINA??!?!??" "why you buy me this???" And it's not just me, it's the same for all her friends and family. We found that as long as she does the buying, we're both happy.